Hi to all... been a while... not sure why but brain kind of gone blank with so much inner work 😀
Full circle... if feels I have come around full circle from where I once was to where I am now... but that will be my next post, for now, I want to talk about the Shadow, the darkness of the Soul.
As I have talked before here about day and night, death and life, all these opposite polarities fascinate me and have become a big reality of my own life for some time.
I once too, and for a long time, have played the 'good' girl, the 'good' friend, the 'good' lover... this, I thought, was what was expected of me and that to be liked, accepted and loved I had to fit in and be what was expected of me. With time I realised that is only an illusion created by the lack of self-esteem, self-belief and above all the sense of 'self' we all need to have to be able to live and feel grounded and accepted in the life we once chose to have and the lessons we need to conquer.
The sense of self, I hear you wondering what is that? That is the knowledge of who you really are, what you are about and where you belong, and is a sense of self-acceptance. Unfortunately, lots of us did not have a good enough parent to mirror this to us, so we have to search it all by ourselves.
As we grow up we need to feel accepted, feel loved unconditionally and know where we belong - where is our place, whatever that is. This is the tribal energy Caroline Myss talks about in so many of her books, the grounding energy, the belonging, the sense of who we are: the sense of self.
When we don't have this we move up to the next level of development wishing to find this in others. We hope that others will give us this: the love, the acceptance we don't have of ourselves - for we have not been shown what that is. Or we will be doing things or achieving things, that will give us this sense of gratification and therefore a sense of happiness and self-worth. Big mistake! For even though all this might give you the gratification, the happiness and the self-belief it will only be temporary! It will not last. And like a drug you will become addicted to doing more and more, instead of addressing what is lacking inside. For all that we ever look for, unless we find it within us, we have not found it. It will only be a temporary illusion.
So now you are thinking, yes that is all very nice and even very true - but if I don't have that sense of self or self-belief, how do I get it?
Umm, how do we get it...? In my experience it is a journey that starts by looking at ourselves fully naked: spiritually and emotionally and, yes, physically too, as we all have issues in liking and accepting who we are and how we look. It is a journey of self-awareness and total acceptance, with our own resistance of course because there will never be an easy way.
Here is where the Shadow comes in. We all grew up being scared of 'evil' and 'dark' and 'bad'. But what I realised over the years is that all of that needs to be embraced within us. For we are not only good or bad - we're both! God, the universe, the source - whatever you might want to call it - is everything, and so are we! The yin and yang, the negative and the positive, the good and the bad, the light and the shadow! So we need to accept that within us! When we look at ourselves that is what we will see and that is what we need to accept and love! For we are all unique loveable humans 😊
Society, and values from religions or families, have taught us to hide the darkness in us, to play the good girl/boy, son/daughter, so we have done that for far too long and that is physically and mentally unhealthy!
We are a society and a generation of angry people. Our parents' generations were angry and we are bringing up and creating future generations of more angry people - and you know what? That is ok! What is not ok - and that we have been told and we keep telling - is that anger is wrong! Anger is not wrong, not any more wrong than love is! I know you are shocked and wondering where I am going with this but it is simply because both are feelings! And as feelings they need to be expressed at the right time, they need to be digested and understood. Not avoided and bottled up or put in a box inside of the psyche. No, not at all. For when we do this we are not in control of it and at any moment it will come out and be misplaced. It will be acted out in relationships with others and essentially with ourselves and in various ways. Not just as outbursts but as a very hidden and typical way: passive aggression!
Another thing the Shadow does is it hides our vision of the true self. I mean, if we're angry for example with the injustice of the world and we misplace that anger and have a big outburst over some small injustice with a neighbour, we might end up hating ourselves for our outburst. We might even resent what we did and as a consequence forget to recognise that we are in fact quite a good neighbour - and that seeking justice can be a very valuable attribute when used adequately. This is very important to realise because the Shadow is not only made of the bad we don't want to see or accept. It is also made of the good we found hard to accept about ourselves because of the beliefs we have been fed as we grew up and still have as adults...
I sense this is very engraved in our society and belief system and it is one of the most important things needing to be addressed. This is the Shadow, and what comes with the reconnection of its existence within us is what many call the Darkness of the Soul - that place where we face the reality that, as a soul having a physical experience, we are not only 'holy' and 'pure' and 'perfect'. For that is an illusion. In fact, perfection is exactly what it is and we are with all the imperfections and perfections we might find 😀
This comes with awareness, with recognising things like what makes you behave that way, what is it about someone else that is pressing on something in you. Be aware that most likely what you dislike in someone or something is something you dislike or do not accept in yourself or you are not even conscious about.
I know these two are the hardest ones to swallow... but do your best, for it will be worth it when digested it and the nourishment for your body and soul will be immense.
The truth is perfection is in the here and now and nowhere else! For all that needs to be is here!
And that takes me to something else: the need to stop 'doing' and just 'be'.
We do NOT need to do anything - we just need to BE!
So stop trying to do and allow yourself to simply be. And allow the ones around you the same.
I found that in therapy - in the beginning - I remember paying so much attention to whether I was doing the right things, saying the right things, etc... now I just allow myself to 'be', totally present within the room with my clients and trust. And you know what? It all simply flows and happens and 'is'.
It's all about the connection, the unconditional love and acceptance, the relationship... that is what makes it therapeutic and healing, that is what makes it safe and a place for change.
The same with parent and child, the connection needs to be there. The sense of unconditional love for the person, not the behaviour or the achievements is the most important thing. A child needs to feel she is accepted, loved for who she is - not what she does! No 'good boy or girl' for the behaviour or the actions can not make you good or bad. You simply are what you are.
I hope this gives you some food for thought and self-discovery. The most amazing lessons in life come's from self-exploration and understanding.
And at the end of the day - hours away from a solar eclipse where so many people are made to believe that the world is going to change forever - I believe we are changing not because the ETs are here, or that some magical event is happening, but because we are becoming more aware and conscious and therefore taking more responsibility. The kind of responsibility our parents were too scared in taking. :)
So yes let's make it a world like no other before...
Remember we can not change anyone else - only ourselves! So changing the world is not in our hands but by changing ourselves a bit we will be affecting others. And those others will be affecting others - and like that we will change the world from within outwards. Again, expecting the world to change for us or wishing for explanations and fairness will not take us anywhere. Fairness comes from within. Are you fair to yourself? Do you see the real you? Have you learnt to be comfortable with what you see? Can you accept it even though you know there is space for improvement? Do you recognise your own good and are aware of that shadow so you can face it and be in control? Be kind to yourself every day! This is a journey and a work in progress... it will never be totally finished to our standards 😉
Enjoy the ride !!
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