Something else happened this summer that made me realise something quite big: the role of a master/teacher and in fact how they are not the same as most of us assume!
First, let look into the background of it all.
When I met my partner over six years ago, he told me about being part of a spiritual group. That they followed some kind of Sufi teachings, and that they met every week as a small group in each city and at special dates, they would meet where their master lives.
I had never heard of Sufism before, but with time I came to learn more about it and admire the personal dedication and commitment that it takes. Discipline has never been my strongest point so realising that being part of this group would involve me doing daily special exercises, that can take over an hour, kind of told me this was never for me!
But I realised as well that I don't just admire my partner's dedication. I admire his discipline and at some level, I envy that! Within over 11 years that he has been with this group he has never missed one of his daily exercises. Wow! Shame though he does not apply this in other areas of his life 😢 but that is another story! Hehe
Yes, I envy his discipline for I could never do it, but I wish I could.
Summer came and we all went to his Master's country for his birthday get-together. It was amazing as people from all over the world travel there for this special weekend dinner. Mostly from Europe and lots from South America. Luckily, because the place he lives in is a beautiful summer resort, with amazing seawater and sun, a lot of us find this an opportunity for a holiday mood and relaxation.Now, on my first experience, I remember how troubled (inwards) my other half was just before we travelled. The preparations for it were not as smooth and there were tensions in the air even between us. He has mentioned that it was typical of what the energy could do, that it would get better as we would get there, but that his ex could never understand it.
The first week there, I could feel it too! The people were super friendly, there were love and friendship in the rooms of these dinners... I felt a spiritual connection with it all from day one. I felt at home, this was family and in an amazing way – even though I was and still am not officially part of them 😀 – I felt super welcomed and treated as equal. There was something very special there.
The Master is a character! Getting quite old by now (80) but full of energy, humour and love for women 😀 (his Latin blood obviously!) I recall the way he looked at me: you know he can see through you! And I became aware of the power of unspoken words!
That week I felt the energy pull and stretch inside me. It is difficult to explain because it is not really physical but you know it is happening. I felt irritable and sensitive knowing that it was not me. You could say it was hard work, but we didn't mind it and when one can simply relax and not have to do anything or follow any time, these things become easier. Because we can simply sleep and absorb it. And sleep we did! And I fell in love with it so much that we have been going there every summer. It is the only place I feel I can let go and relax, simply be. Until this summer...
One thing I couldn't understand: how is he a Master, a teacher, but there are no teachings! He never wrote a book, and he gives no talks. He simply says things in-jokes, and maybe a story here and there.
I was told there were two books: The Way by Juan Sgolastra and Between Heaven and Earth by Marco Santello written by his first followers, that people could read and feel if there was something there for them. Then they would get in touch with the local group and ask permission to belong to it. Everything is controlled and run by this Master.
I read these books and liked them. But again they were stories of these people's journeys and connection with this Master but no teachings. In fact, there is no mention even that he follows a line of big Sufi Masters. There is a sense about this being about the quality of life and something for the 21st century but still, they accept that the exercises are mostly using sounds that come from ancient Arabic/Persian for example. I started noticing that possibly my partner was one of the very few who had a real sense and knowledge of the history and meaning of it all. For he has spent his all life studying and following the Sufism studies and had met various people who were and are important as a context for it all.
Time has gone by. Going there in the summer has become a way for us to 'charge the batteries'. At times I felt confused and troubled by being there and feeling so at home, and understanding so well the energy and the dynamic of it all but not being 'officially' part of it. Not just that I don't wear the necklace they all do, I don't do the daily exercises or go to their weekly meetings or even pay my monthly contribution. But I am involved with a lot of the people and I am there every year! So sometimes I felt like an impostor and that left me uncomfortable. I would have this master come into my dreams, and I would feel the connection stronger but still I could not commit. My free spirit wouldn't let me!
You see I like experimenting, experiencing, trying – but I don't like to have to restrict myself with belonging to something exclusive. I have experienced many churches, read many books, done many workshops... But for me, nothing is exclusively true. So I find myself taking something from here that feels right in my heart, and something else from there and I make my own truth. (I do that with cooking too and the cookery books I have, I hardly ever follow a recipe – I just get ideas!) I can never read a book or listen to a religious concept and say: yes that is the truth, that is what I want or need to believe, that is the only way. Because I know in my heart that is not! So my heart for many years has said that the truth is everywhere, and the real truth is not someone else's truth but mine. For their truth is theirs alone!
I believe there are many ways to God – to the divine – as there are names to name it. Truth, reality, is only our own perception at a given time due to all sorts of contributors: history, experiences, lessons, society, science at that time, etc. So really nothing is ever absolute, nothing is unchangeable, nothing is still and nothing is ever real and truth to all.
I believe this is one of the big lessons human beings have to learn to become at peace and in peace with it all. Themselves and everyone else! The truth is all is the same! Divine!
In fact just recently have started realising and understanding one of the concepts of the Sufism teachings: that we are expressions of God, the divine. That we exist so the divine can experience all that he can be! Good and bad, dark and light...
I found this a hard one, for this implies accepting our own divinity and is that not one of our own hardest struggles in this human life?
Anyway going back, this summer again we decided to go. For some time my partner has said he didn't feel much of a need to go and in fact for some time he felt his Master looking at him as if he was saying: 'What are you still doing here?' But we like it there so we have been going.
But this year I experienced something different. I felt the energy different and so many things were so wrong! The food in the market was not as nice, the sea had stones in our normal beach, the water was dirtier like never before... And everything felt closed, tired. The place and the energy were now closing for me too! I do not need to go there any more – or at least not as often. It was quite shocking to feel such a thing when you take it for granted.
But I still came back home, as usual, knowing that it had served its propose and I now have new beginnings to consider.
Not long after we came back, my partner found himself doing a deep spiritual journey reading a book written by someone (within the Sufism knowledge) he knew and who talked about things, like stories, places, people that were and are very important to my partner from his young years.
Somehow this and more stuff that went on got to be misunderstood. As if he and some others were crossing boundaries by reading things that were coming from another line of Master. Of course, this shocked him and me for I realise how people can be even when they come from a spiritual path. Can't they see, the base is the same? But of course, these people don't always know the history of it all. Still, this made my partner very shaken and wondering if this even meant it that he would have to leave his beloved Master's group, for it felt this was not right. Of course, this was never needed because this was never about his Master.
But this left us exploring things deeper and I then realise something big:
My conclusion:
Teachers are many! We are all teachers at various times in our lives. A book, a teacher at school, a friend, a tv program, a guru, a spiritual teacher, priest, etc. all are teaching us something. If it feels right in your heart then you know is your truth at that moment. Now Masters are few and they don't teach, they hold. They provide and hold the energy for growth and experience. What they do and what they serve is enormous but it is invisible and hardly noticeable. They intensify the divine purpose, the divine connection, they became like energy radiators. In fact more like energy generators. That is why we are told it is all about the connection to the Master, nothing else. Everything else is not relevant or necessary. The connection, the link, the love, the longing for the Beloved, as Rumi says, is all there is!So that is why there are no teachings because what you need to be taught is unique to you, so the master invisibly will provide you with the opportunity to find the book or the person with the message you need. Like the story, I told in my previous post about the girl needing help to feel safe about psychic attacks. She was upset that this Master said he had no time. But of course, that was because that is not for him to answer. But what happened was that, as soon as she asked for help, the help came – in this case in the form of me! 😃
I tell you a story. Years ago a close friend of mine was having strong headaches and not taking much notice of them... The doctors were saying it must be stress, tension... The usual things...
Then one day I had a strong premonition, I felt it so strongly that she had an aneurysm in her brain and that it was/could explode at any moment. I was so overwhelmed by this, shaking.
I told her to persuade the doctors to let her have a scan, but it was all taking so long... She finally had the scan done and it showed the aneurysm. I was panicking! I gave her some healing but I felt I needed help here! A big intervention for she was going to die!
Summer came and we went on our usual holiday so I thought, ok, I will get all my courage and see if I can arrange to see this Master for a couple of minutes to ask for help.
My partner very nicely, knowing that I have a strong mind, explained that was very unlikely but maybe I could talk to some of his helpers and see what could be done.
As soon as I got there I knew in my heart that I would not see him! But I talked to a few people in hope of being wrong. They were kind and one said: 'you are doing everything it needs and you can do! It will be ok.' I smiled but my heart was squeezed and I was so anxious... Still, I decided to just put out my intention, my crying out for help and trust...
After we came back, a few weeks after my friend had a second scan done to confirm the first and see if there had been any changes. It had gone! 😊 she never got to know the all story or the struggle I went through.
So I now understand what it is that is going on. And there is another level for a Master. He is there to provide you with what you need as tools but not to do it for you. He is there like a therapist working with expectations, transferences, etc. That is why every single small thing can be interpreted. The way he looks, what he says, the love and rejection. Even when we don't like it or can't even understand what he provokes in us, these are opportunities for growth and self-understanding as well as bringing into consciousness something we need.
But, like a therapist, a Master should not create dependence. There will be a time when we have learnt how to use the tools when we are aware of ourselves and we have internalised the therapist or in this case the Master. The connection is there forever so we no longer need it physically!
That is the beauty of therapy that I see in my work as a counsellor when clients are ready to go.
That I believe is what is happening with my partner and why the place felt it was closing to me too.
I know this, I understand this. My connection is alive 24/7. I don't need the generator for I am the energy, the light, the everything.
Thanks for reading, please feel free to comment :) xxx
