Powerlessness in the mist of having no control - A reflection on 2020

Not having control takes me into my inner child and back to what childhood represents for me within my story.

So one can say I grew up having to live with it and learning to cope or better endure it. One would also expect to become used to this feeling, of not having a choice or knowing what to expect next. In many ways I have. I have grown to become quite controlling in my own life, very able, self capable, independent, etc. And above all, I had to find something to give that control to and have trust in it. When you feel you not in control or can control as the little child or the adult human, there is only one way. And that way is to trust that someone/something has that control, is in control! And we have to also learn to trust that all that ever happens is simply another piece of the puzzle (life) we have no full view of. The big truth is we never that in control, ever! We just think we are! We might have a bit of control on very closed things to us, but not much else...

2020 has been one the most challenging years for the human race because exactly that: All that was certain to us was taken away. The illusion of control was lost! The truth reality came alight and it is scary! Nothing is certain! Nothing is forever, permanent, constant or reliable. And life is extremely fragile!

In 2019 I heard many talking about 2020 being the year of 20 x 20 vision! They were not wrong! It has been indeed the year where veils have fallen down, the true colours of our leaders have been shown! Never fake-news became so relevant to the reality of the life we live, so desperately sticking blame. We saw the impact of the pollution on cities being lifted in the lockdowns, the animals moving more freely. We got angry over the unfair treatment of a fellow human, just because of his race and we reflected and got better informed over the big picture behind it all... We concluded we can indeed work from home successfully, and bosses wondered of the need for all the expensive offices... New ways got to be found with adapting doing so many things. Shop owners got creative, business got creative. People came together, communities came together. Some governments with good leaders shone as some others failed... People got united and then got tired and frustrated... We got to see the real mess! We got to consider what is really important in our lives. The heath, the family, the friends, the support networks we need to have. We got to value so many simple things taken for granted before. Local small business got more support, etc...

This year has given us all, mostly a chance to reconsider our lives, careers, passions and what truly matters. The excuse of not having time was discarded, no longer able to be applied. The inverse came to be normal, as we all isolated at home for months...  We had time to reflect, rethink, reconsider, organise, clear, clean, create... We also got time to be caught out in the mess of fake news and fake creation, opinions and misinformation that has created more issues than solutions. That is ironic, as all they claim to be is the truth! The way to open your eyes, be awaken, stand for our unique selves and autonomy and against been manipulated, controlled and followers of a system. 

Interestingly 2020 adds to a 4 and here I am adding a couple of meanings easily found online: 

"In Numerology number 4 is a conscientious number with a focus on long-term security. In Numerology number 4 is a number of focus - a focus on building a secure foundation for the future. (...) It can be a lot of work. 4 is adequately equipped for the work with its ability to focus on the details of the steps required to reach specific goals." https://affinitynumerology.com/number-meanings/number-4-meaning.php#maincontentcontinue

"First, we have to say that 4 is the number of justice and stability that you need to keep in your life. This number also resonates with loyalty, patience, wisdom and trust... number 4 may also symbolize your aspirations and passions that you have. Number 4 can be a symbol of honesty and loyalty as well." https://angelnumber.org/what-does-the-number-4-mean-in-the-bible/

Tarot card 4 - The Emperor sits on a ram adorned throne, a symbol of Mars. He holds an ankh sceptre in his right hand, and a globe, symbol of domination, in his left. The Emperor sits atop a stark, barren mountain, a sign "sterility of regulation, and unyielding power".

Meaning: this card is suggestive od stability and secure life. You are on top of things and everything is under your control. It is your hard work, discipline and self-control that have bought you this far. It means that you are in charge of your life now setting up your own rules and boundaries. 

Upright card - keywords: Authority, Father figure, law and order, leadership, power, promotion.

Reverse card - keywords: Control freak, Immaturity, Lack of discipline, Loss of authority, Manipulative friends

Don't you think is interesting that we indeed have experienced all these themes?

'a focus on building a secure foundation for the future' Never a year has given us so much time and opportunities to see all the cracks and neglects of our society! 2020 might not be a year of solutions but is definitely the year of questions and reconsideration. We indeed need to start building a secure foundation for our future! This year is a bit like the tower in the tarot, the collapse of beliefs, structures, etc.

 '4 is the number of justice and stability that you need to keep in your life. This number also resonates with loyalty, patience, wisdom and trust... number 4 may also symbolize your aspirations and passions that you have. Number 4 can be a symbol of honesty and loyalty as well' I love this! Fighting for justice and stability! Yes, we are no way near a society with this as priority! All the rest also makes sense, the need for loyalty that has been missed, patience, wisdom and trust that has been missing being inspired by our governments. Aspirations and passions that we need to reconnect, reinvent or create will be essential!

Now we can also look at the tarot card of the Emperor and also see so much resonating but even more for some of us, what we been experiencing is the not the Emperor in its full glory but his shadow self, the hidden side of power:  ' Control freak, Immaturity, Lack of discipline, Loss of authority, Manipulative friends'  Doesn't this resonate with the reality so many of us are living with our governments and the importance of real directions to follow, instead of misleading advise and confused headlines, plus all the truths going on behind closed doors... with favouritism; misleading; lying; incompetence, etc

Fascinating I would say! 

But now let's go back to Control! And the title of this blog... When one doesn't feel in control, one feels powerless! A big reminder of this is when one is faced with death for example. And this year I have lost a few... when one gets ill and is not in your hands being able to help or cure is as extremely difficult experience to handle. When someone is unwell mentally and there is not enough support in society is devastating... When we lost jobs for no fault of our own; when there is no money for the next bill or meal that is seriously scary! But I beg you to accept not having control, but not feeling powerless! Here is where trust and faith come in! No, don't sit on the sofa feeling sorry for yourself and depressed!! Go and ask for help! No human is that alone! We are not a desert islands in the middle of a big ocean, there is always someone! Something possible! We have to try finding help, a solution. And then we have to trust a solution will appear and most times it will. Ask! Look...

Faith is the biggest holder when we not in control! Faith that something bigger then us that is also part of us is there to support us. That it is powerful and so all is possible, we are part of it so we are also powerful!

Trust that all this is a unique opportunity for humanity to heal and change, and remember it starts with you! Your healing, your change. You and me taking responsibility and working on ourselves, our values, our dreams, aspirations. You and I can make a difference and if we get enough of us doing the same. Be the example, don't wait for change but instead be the change. 

Oh yes if there wasn't enough 4's already here, apparently, on the 10th January, we had a full moon eclipse in Cancer and today a full moon again in Cancer - Full circle! Cancer that is a number 4  as it rules the 4th house in Astrology., and had the moon as its ruling planet. A zodiac that stands for home and family ... (you can find more on Cancer here: https://www.allure.com/story/cancer-zodiac-sign-personality-traits

To a great 2021!  That, by the way, is a 5... "... in the Mayas number 5 has been considered the symbol of perfection. Also, it is believed that number 5 is a symbol of grace, that is associated with the human body: we have 2 legs, 2 arms and 1 head... " https://angelnumbersmeaning.com/angel-number-5-meaning-and-symbolism/

In the Tarot card 5, it is the Pope: " The Hierophant is seen seated on a throne between two pillars symbolising law and liberty or obedience and disobedience. He wears a triple crown, and the keys to Heaven are at his feet. 

Meaning: Hierophant stands for tradition and convention. It can represent marriage in an arranged setup. It can also mean a teacher or counsellor who will help in learning/education of the querent.

Upright card (keywords): Education, learning, marriage, religion, seeking counsel or advise, spiritual guidance, tradition.

Reverse card (keywords): Abuse of position, breakdown, poor counsel, rejection of family values.

Definitely some food for thought into this new year, and what to expect... Remember you also have the power to create
your own reality based on where your attention lies!

Thank you for reading! Let's make 2021 an interesting, more positive, loving and united year for all of us.

Restarting Blogging 21-12-2020

Hi to you all, 

I have now revised and given some TLC to all my posts here and I am in the mood of being back!

2020 has been a year where more then once I thought I should be saying things, I should be sharing some of my knowledge, understanding and skills/tools of navigating life difficulties. But instead, I was feeling like not wanting to talk at all. Twice I did a video on my Facebook page but I didn't felt motivated to do more. But something has shifted in the last few weeks, time to reinvent! 

I renamed an old group into - Mentoring with Maria - and attached it to my page. Time to indeed share! And then I came here and decided to also restart this blog. At the same time, I am also relaunching my book - The Seven Lies of the Human Race. I really feel and believe there are so much information and tools so relevant to these present times and with so much information to the self-understanding one needs to heal and improve our lives, so we can indeed be part of this new beginning, era transitions and difficult times, reinventing new suitable ways to live our future lives healing this planet and having a much lower negative impact on it. Time to take responsibility for our ways! For this, we need self-understanding! 

So I am excited here!! 

Today is the 21-12-2020 a 10 = 1 New beginnings! We are all aware there is this two amazing planets coming together this evening in Aquarius and how this will influence all of us! How this indeed will be shifting things and support the changes needed for the future we need to create.

But please, stop taking this as an overnight change! No light winning, no big Aquarius era! Yes, we are in transit into it, no doubt! But we not yet officially there, we need to wait for... "Bottom line: The Age of Aquarius begins when in March equinox point moves out of the constellation Pisces and into the constellation Aquarius. But there's no definite answer as to when that will be" by https://earthsky.org/human-world/when-will-the-age-of-aquarius-begin

Let's be realistic and not think this is the magic saver of the 'new era of Aquarius!' that we (within the spiritual aware), been waiting just like any other religion we have issues with has been wait for their saver!

That we are in its transition (for some time) - yes - but not yet in it!!

Let's stop projecting messiahs coming back to save us or the birth of new one tonight!! Or that this is a start of some blissful era! There will be no bliss until we and only we stop fighting within ourselves, looking for rescuers, and someone or something to blame and playing victims!! Until we know ourselves enough, have the awareness behind our behaviours, thoughts, choices, denials, transferences, projections we can not be at peace or create the peaceful, loving world we so desire.

No one and no cosmic event can bring peace on earth and fix the mess we have created and have allowed being created! Not even God, the Divine, any Angel or Saint or any Alien on the many galaxies out there.

Let’s grow up!! And stop blaming our parents, our societies and our leaders (that we don’t really have) for how messed up we all are!

Yes, they are at fault! Most of us didn’t have a good enough parenting and society and politics have become the worse example of what parenting should be… but we need to also see beyond it, they were the product of their own parents, society beliefs. Is our responsibility now, as awaken and aware human beings to stop passing that trauma, repeating their own mistakes or worse just live in extreme opposition to it all. Extremes are not the answer they both as damaging!

“While Jupiter signifies generosity and fortunate opportunities, it can also lead to egoic greed and delusions of grandeur that requires the contemplative focus of Saturn to trim the excess and strengthen what is ready to ripen. At the same time, we need the inspirational revitalization of Jupiter to mediate the negative side of Saturn that can bring fear over limitations and obstacles and lead to depressive stagnation.” https://www.astrology.com/article/great-conjunction-saturn-conjunct-jupiter-in-aquarius-2020

“Vitally, not only will Jupiter and Saturn be uniting in Aquarius, they will also be forming a catalytic square aspect with Uranus in Taurus. At this pivotal moment in our journey, the lightning bolts of Jupiter and Uranus will not only bring down old societal structures but will also impel us to release old personal dreams and drama we have been attached to. There will be new challenges and unknown potential arising as we begin a new era of Jupiter and Saturn that we will need to make space for in our lives. During 2020 ask yourself what you need to leave behind and what you truly desire to carry forward.”

https://www.astrology.com/article/great-conjunction-saturn-conjunct-jupiter-in-aquarius-2020

Thank you for reading

The poem... 23-2-13

23-2-13 this was the date I did a psychic practice Workshop where I did this poem and I was told about a new guide of mine, a philosopher and that my guides had different ideas for what I was supposed to be doing. That writing or teaching could be a possibility. Three days after I was planing the contents of my book and the name was so obvious: The seven lies of the Human race. 

The lying parent. 21-2-13

If I told you we are a bunch of liars living in a world where we teach laying to our children from day one? How would you feel? I know is not one to easily swallow but a true never the less. Ok, I better explain myself or I can see you leaving this Blog right now :) 

We lie to ourselves, we lie to each other, when we say we are ok and we are not, we are lying when we pretend whatever that it is so we fit in or to be liked or whatever- we lying! When we say sorry and we don't really mean it; when we say I love you and we don't really mean it; when we pretend we getting along with something but we not... We are lying. You see we live a life of constant lying. This is big and this is serious. We feel we can not be ourselves, we feel we are not good or worth enough, so we pretend and we lie. Lie about the salary, the car, the family, the job, the friends, the upbringing, the looks, the everything that might be possible to pretend and lie about. The list is endless.

We have learned this from our parents and we pass this one to our children. When for example things were not well between mum and dad, and we got worried. But we were possibly told: "No is ok, mum is ok." When obviously it wasn't. We all forget that the child can feel it is something wrong, but if it is told it is alright, she will think she is wrong. This child can then grow up not to trust their feelings because they were 'wrong' when in fact they were right. Instead, this child should have heard the truth, simply: "yes mum and dad is not ok, but we are trying to work it out as adults, this is not for you to worry and this is not about you. We both love you very much. Now go to bed, or go to play..."

Now we have another big issue with boundaries, children are told 'no' but they have learned that if they become very, very persistent they can eventually get it. So no wonder a teenager, young adult or a man when he hears the girl say no, thinks if I persist, really persist I know I will get it because no doesn't really means no, does it? Again what are we passing on? 

Boundaries and discipline are very important in the upbringing of children, of heathy secure children. Children without it get, agitated, unrested, demanding and unhappy. Children need to know where to stop, where are the limitations and they need an adult who is loving but firm. A parent should never think that is the child mate or best friend, for that, is not what the child needs, that might be what the parents needs, but that is something that the parent will have to address and get help with. A lot of parents and mums became mums/parents because of their own need of love, unconditional love, and they feel a baby, a child can give that to them. Now imagine the responsibility that this child comes in the world with. 

You might be thinking, who you to be saying all this, are you even a parent? In fact, I am and no I am not perfect, for that is not what the child needs either. Do I have a degree in children Psychology or in raising children? No, I don't! I have become a mum with no experience, but I follow my instinct, my common sense, I did it all from a place of Love and practicality but as well with determination and boundaries. For me a no, always meant a no. But sometimes there were maybes and if's and we can sometimes negotiate and compromise with some older children. Becoming a parent made me aware of myself, my limitations, my issues and helped me explore and learn lots.

Children need to be told as it is in a form that is appropriated for them, they might not need all the truth or all the story but they should not be lied to or pretended that something is what is not. I child should not be used as companions, friends, listeners, confidant, carers or assume parenting roles and they should not have at all to take sides in parents or families confrontations. 

Mostly, children need real people as parents, adults that are loving and have time for them. That gives them attention and quality time. That they set boundaries and expectation. Rules and that they are truthful at all times. An adult needs to stay an adult but be able to be in touch with their inner child to get on with playful times, to be empathic to the child needs. At the same time as the adult, he should be able to admit errors and have talks with their children. We came from a generation of parents who never admit being wrong or any wrongdoing, let now find a balance but not go to the extreme of apologising for being you and not giving any more of yourself. 

You and I can only do our best, with great achievements and some failure, that is normal and is being human. At the end of the day, none of this can guarantee children with no problems or traumas, for even the ones who have it all will always feel they miss on something. Because it Is not about the reality but about the perceptions and interpretation of the child, of the other and that is our children unique choice and individuals lessons. We can only be sincere and real to ourselves and others and became more and more aware of ourselves.     

Awareness, self-awareness for me is the biggest key in my own experience. I become a therapist for that reason and I can imagine my child, now in her teens complaining about having a mother as a therapist who is aware of what is behind so much... It all started when she was a toddler and I become aware I was losing my temper and becoming my own carer... The biggest fright when you look at the mirror and see your not nice mother! 

So I sought help, I knew this was not right and not about her, this took me deeper into my self-understanding and my journey into training as a therapist, something I was already interested. Today these skills help me immensely, my child is doing ok but not all is perfect. Never is, and we not aiming at perfection for that does not exist. She has anxieties and issues and I have to be aware of how to deal with it. How to give and support but still say no. 

I too know how easy is to say yes, and give in! I know I agree with so much more and give so much more because I did not have it. But we need to create limits and become aware that whatever way we act and interact with them that is all they have as an example to take for their future life. If we give and give easily they will think that the world and life are like that. They will have even more expectations and that is something we all struggling in this society because of that. Children need to be taught to value things and have respect. I am a believer in respect. Respect for people, animal, nature and things. Yes things, deserve respect too. No clothes on the floor, or uncared for. All things need and deserve to be cared for at all times. Only like this can we bring up kids that have respect for this planet, for each other, for the parents and the elderly.

In a society of consumerism and image we the parents have a hard job and the most important job in giving this future generation the skill of self-love, self-worth, self-acceptance, respect, empathy, and that can only come from example. Us practising exactly that, us getting help, physiologic help. I believe we parents should be more supported by this society. Have more help with the tools to be better at what we do. For starters, we need therapy available, courses on self-awareness, on self-esteem, on common
sense! 

Thanks for reading. 

21-2-13

Meditation for the Heart 13-2-13

After my first event on Facebook being a success "sending healing to 2013" I thought I wanted to do more of this. It came very obviously that doing something in February made sense and the thought of doing something to attract love even better. An idea was born! 

Now as always we have to find the details... And so it was that I thought of creating a mediation. I like them and I know I can be quite good, being running my monthly group for 3 years now, that is over 30 unique ones 😀 Yes at first I created every single one each month to do with chakras or the subject I was covering and then I started letting myself just be guided and let it flow... Everyone enjoys it and finds it very relaxing, plus I use that time to give the healing in my group so it made sense to do the same here.  

Then it came to me to do a YouTube video 😀 and so it was I end up with this lovely video. For a couple days I attempted to write the mediation, but it was not coming through. I know from experience that the best in this cases is to let it go and so I did and when I tried again it came though in one go... No mending, no changing. I simply love it, the way it works. When I looked and read it, I thought: wow that is the right words. That is the right thing to say... Next, I had to record it and find the music! The music took me forever to find... but finally did it and I am very happy with it. 

Now the next thing was new for me... Recording my voice and listening to it... First time I did that, recording a client session for college I got the shock of my life! Do I really sound like this?! I hate it! Now I am more loving and accepting of myself then I was then, so I can't say I love it but I am ok and I am more use to the idea that voice is really me. Apparently is very comom finding our own voice alien.  

I did it once but I could hear the bell of my cat and it disturbed me, so I did it again next morning with no cat bell and all by myself. I was happy with it now. 

I looked for photos the next day and my partner helped me create the video and get everything together. I have to say it was fun using 'garage band' on a Mac and 'I-video' but it took much longer then I could have imagined, but then again I had no idea... 

I think it was worth it and now I am planning to do more of this. I am planning to do a series on healing the chakras and then I want to try to do a few in subjects to do with counselling. Things like: mediation for depression, anxiety, panic, stress, self-esteem... Gosh, this could be so cool! I am having time at the moment as I am unfortunately almost jobless... And starting my private practice very slowly... So might as well spend the time doing something useful to all 😊 

To many more!

Please listen to it, do it and share it! Plus if spirit draws you to donate a £1 every penny counts and is a nice way of doing some exchange of energy and the service I am offering here. 

Love and light to you all. xxx

13-2-13

  

Where has a year go?

Where has a year go since my last post?

It has past, but I am trying to get back! 

I haven't stopped writing, or no very much the opposite I wrote a book and published it, and wrote some posts for here, but working on an iPad has its limitations and frustrations and the lack of access to a laptop or computer to make my posts look like I wish as kept me from publishing them. 

I know it is sad, but it is true and the reality is nothing has really changed but I am determined to make an effort to change! 

So this is me saying hello! 

This will be the first of some posts I will be posting with their original dates from last year, hope you enjoy it and come back! 

Love and light xxx

  

Have I been missed? Written on the 7th October 2013

Hi all! 

You all must be wondering where I have been since February, as I have vanished from my a blog! 

OK, the secret is out! I have been writing a book! All my time and inspiration has been taken up by it. I finished writing it in July with just the conclusion to do, and then August and September were spent reading it through, having it edited, etc.  

So I am officially an Author! My book was been launched on Lulu.com on the 25-09-13. 

I am excited and I have a big hope that this book will touch many people. 

At the moment I am living the anxious times of waiting for people to read it and buy it and get back to me with comments, feedback and stories of their enlightening moments. I am sure there will be many. When someone, as they are reading will says: "yes! That is me!" Or "Yes now I understand it" or "... I didn't realise that until now..."   

"So what is this book?" I hear you saying... This book is called "The Seven Lies of The Human Race". It is a book written in a simple, structured way all about lies! 

As a therapist, and with my own story to rely on, I came to realise a big truth that so many of us are aware of: we act on our beliefs. But what if these beliefs were based on lies? 

Also, I realised that, because we are all unique, we experience the same reality in different ways. So when exposed to a lie an individual has two choices: either believe in it and give in or react to it and act the opposite way. 

Also as a healer, I am aware of the energy centres: what they stand for, and how they influence not just our physical but our emotional and spiritual selves. 

With all this in mind, I set myself to relate these two passions of mine: energy as a healer and psychology as a therapist. To bring them together in a unique way which I believe no one else has done before. 

I have identified the lies that we learn through life. I talk about how we learn them and experience them as babies, and as we grow up. These Lies that get to be internalised so deeply we might not even be aware that they are there - or that we believe them! I have related them to each energy centre in our body.

The book also identifies what we do when we are exposed to these lies and in what way we react to them. I identify typical archetypes for each lie. 

Throughout the book, I use my story as an example, as well as bringing stories that are fiction but are based on people and facts I know.

I hope the book can be a tool of self-discovery and self-understanding. Above all I want it to be a tool for healing and to show we can set ourselves free from the lies that we been told by parents, carers and society. 

The book concludes with a view of what we need to find balance, love and peace. I wish you all a fulfilled journey.   xxx